Jun 26, 2015

a long list of unfinished ... stuff.

Fine. I am a serial book starter. I get some major FOMO about missing out on books like some people do with movies or shows. Especially since I wasn't fluent in English until I was 14, I felt like I had missed out on so many great pre-teen reads. So I'd buy those books in high school (i.e. the outsiders, ender's game, naaarnia, etc) and college and never bring them anywhere public, embarrassed about being stuck in the basics. I personally consider the ability to discuss books with people a pleasure and privilege - there's something about revisiting a work of art you pored over for weeks and maybe months (in my case, months) with others who did the same.

There are a lot of books I haven't finished. Murakami's 1Q84. The Nightingale. David Carr's memoir. The American Sniper. Gabriel Garcia Marquez's masterpieces Jason was raving about. Farewell to arms. Uh. Yeah. It's not that I lose interest by chapter 8, I'm just slow. I basically count on future ariel to have finished all of them by the time I grow up and am a better person. Also I usually only read on the bus or the metro, which is probably only like 30 minutes a day. Trust me, I have more excuses...

Is it too late to be starting things over? No one warned me about feeling like I'm losing the possibility of having more possibilities!!

Obviously books aren't the only things I have started and haven't finished... sometimes I bring myself to look back and see how many promises i had made myself and all the things I claimed I would do in my 20s. When I graduated from college exactly 3 years ago, I made a huge list of things I want to do in my 20s (or when I'm still 'young'). YET THERE ARE ONLY FIVE YEARS LEFT. FIVE. (ok maybe not exactly five...but i'm sure i'll make a huge deal when i turn 30) As much as birthdays are fun, they are also actually kind of scary. It's like life gives you cake and then shits on your face. Like, you move to a completely strange city for an internship and before you can decide what you want to do with your life, BAM. You're 25 and feeling kind of old already and also spending a lot of extra income to buy plane tickets for friends' weddings.

Is it too late to be starting things over? Am I spending my prime right? Where did the list go? What happened to living abroad and helping people and making my skills worth it? I know it's not too late right now, but maybe it is time to start being more proactive and start checking stuff off the list.