Mar 25, 2016

springtime blues

^ friday night mooooood. h/t my sis

I remember when I was in Korea this time last year, I hung out with one of my many cousins who took me hiking around Seoul. I feel like Seoul can be sort of comparable to New York, where any hint of 'nature' you find is backdropped with the city. Still, we saw little beautiful signs of spring popping up here and there. While I was gawking at flowers and blooming trees, my cousin told me something that's got me thinking for awhile: she said she always gets most depressed in the spring. Why? Because she feels excluded, left out, lonelier when everything seems to be finding life and moving on and doing great, basically. Damn. At first I didn't say much because I couldn't quite understand, but a year later, here in New York, I'm beginning to understand what she could have meant. Because like I said, Seoul is kind of comparable to New York in a sense where you feel like you can't catch a break. Ever. You're always surrounded by people, you find yourself exchanging unpleasantaries with strangers for no good reason and everyone is always going somewhere at full speed - literally and figuratively. Winter was a time I didn't feel like a complete loser if I stayed home and did nothing on weeknights. But now that the sidewalk traffic has quadrupled and I'm always side by side with strangers and tourists having the time of their lives, enjoying the city to the core, all that giddiness of spring kind of gnaws at me. Anyway. It doesn't hurt to set your own pace and live your life the way you're comfortable with. I needed some time and space and peace to actually enjoy spring...and just to chew on stuff, so I've been going to Central Park a lot. Sometimes I run, sometimes I just go there with my camera (and creep on strangers).

Of course I miss DC in springtime. It's really the best. Nothing beats it. It didn't even have to be near the tidal basin - around my apartment in Arlington, at the bus stop, on random streets in the city - the cherry flurries were everywhere and it smelled good. All of its beauty was so heartwrenching because who knew you could love a specific time and place so much?

In the past 25 years of my life, I've moved fiiive times. Five. That's not even including me moving from Philly to Korea when I was 7 months old. I'm starting to realize there hasn't been a time it didn't hurt. But it's also been really exciting. It's definitely painful every time but you eventually find a way to make yourself a new home. At least I did. Anyway, I'm missing the dmv a lot tonight - or more like this week, with the onset of spring and glimpses of cherry blossoms. I miss Arlington and all the memories and the way they made me feel. But it's not too shabby here either. After all, it's only the beginning of the season...(yes yes it was 35 degrees yesterday)

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