Mar 29, 2016

WDED #1



Hi.

So believe it or not, I write a lot. I have a lot of pointless notes on my phone (hey, did you know you can now password-protect them with the new iOS update? Welcome to 2016!) but before that I used to be that chick at a coffee shop with a Moleskine knockoff (because let's be real when will I ever be able to afford a $16 notebook) furiously writing down my thoughts and life goals. But now I just have my phone and type furiously as if I'm texting someone and not look like a total loser. So everybody wins. I also write a lot on the subway now because I have no LTE, like, 90% of the time (thanks AT&T) so I write while I have Taylor Swift on loop (because that's the only thing I can listen to offline). It's a lot of unpleasant stuff, as you can imagine.

Anyway, on some weeknights, I like to drink a glass or two of wine and write about stuff that comes to mind at the moment - life, relationships, job sitch, life, food, that cute dog I met on the street, rants, dreams, etc. Like tonight. Since two weeks ago I swore off eating heavy dinners since I'm apparently preparing for a half-marathon so I'm pretty much tipsy after one glass of wine...and why not take advantage of yourself?

WDED stands for write drunk edit drunk. Any time I decide to feed myself wine on a weeknight while I'm roasting sweet potatoes for lunch the next day and looking up House of Cards spoilers, I will also make some time going through stuff I wrote when I was tipsy and edit and share them. This is going to be really weird because I rant/obsess over the most random things: stuff ranging from a two-page rant about stupid Americans protesting Syrian refugees to how I should appreciate sunsets more (??? yeah i don't know...)

Anyway, maybe I'll make this a regular. Maybe I won't. Whatever. But treat this like my raw, unpolished thoughts that were floating around in my head, or more like swimming around way too fast from the bottle of 2014 Perlita Malbec-Syrah blend from Argentina.

Winter 2014:
Maybe it’s not about making a name for yourself or about trying to leave a meaningful legacy behind. I think I do what I do because I’m pursuing to find out my limits and what I’m really good at. I want to know what it is that I would be insanely love with and serve “my purpose” in life or whatever. I want to continue my journey to "find" myself, but I also want to be able to love others selflessly... Do those things go hand in hand? Would my future children hate me if I go back to work right after I pop them out? Or would I be happy being one of those childless, forever alone but super ambitious, important hotshit married to my career? I literally have no idea. For now, I'm doing what I know and can. But a lot of times it scares me, because I should know what I want -- exactly -- but I don't. And these decisions you make in your 20s are so incredibly important, sets a tone for the rest of your life, but nobody warns you so. Or maybe they did and I missed the lecture. But I guess what I do know is to ask yourself this question: What do you love the most, and what gets you going? What makes you feel like a human, like make your heart do its work? And also, who cares what everyone else thinks. It's your life at the end of the day.

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