a long list of unfinished ... stuff.

Fine. I am a serial book starter. I get some major FOMO about missing out on books like some people do with movies or shows. Especially since I wasn't fluent in English until I was 14, I felt like I had missed out on so many great pre-teen reads. So I'd buy those books in high school (i.e. the outsiders, ender's game, naaarnia, etc) and college and never bring them anywhere public, embarrassed about being stuck in the basics. I personally consider the ability to discuss books with people a pleasure and privilege - there's something about revisiting a work of art you pored over for weeks and maybe months (in my case, months) with others who did the same.

There are a lot of books I haven't finished. Murakami's 1Q84. The Nightingale. David Carr's memoir. The American Sniper. Gabriel Garcia Marquez's masterpieces Jason was raving about. Farewell to arms. Uh. Yeah. It's not that I lose interest by chapter 8, I'm just slow. I basically count on future ariel to have finished all of them by the time I grow up and am a better person. Also I usually only read on the bus or the metro, which is probably only like 30 minutes a day. Trust me, I have more excuses...

Is it too late to be starting things over? No one warned me about feeling like I'm losing the possibility of having more possibilities!!

Obviously books aren't the only things I have started and haven't finished... sometimes I bring myself to look back and see how many promises i had made myself and all the things I claimed I would do in my 20s. When I graduated from college exactly 3 years ago, I made a huge list of things I want to do in my 20s (or when I'm still 'young'). YET THERE ARE ONLY FIVE YEARS LEFT. FIVE. (ok maybe not exactly five...but i'm sure i'll make a huge deal when i turn 30) As much as birthdays are fun, they are also actually kind of scary. It's like life gives you cake and then shits on your face. Like, you move to a completely strange city for an internship and before you can decide what you want to do with your life, BAM. You're 25 and feeling kind of old already and also spending a lot of extra income to buy plane tickets for friends' weddings.

Is it too late to be starting things over? Am I spending my prime right? Where did the list go? What happened to living abroad and helping people and making my skills worth it? I know it's not too late right now, but maybe it is time to start being more proactive and start checking stuff off the list.

On signs of life

Many moons ago, this girl right here received a beautiful succulent as a birthday gift. She nurtured it with love and care - well, who am I kidding. Without knowing absolutely nothing about raising succulents, I basically managed to drown the thing in water and direct sunlight and it eventually withered and died, to my obvious surprise, because I had been informed that succulents are practically indestructible. Then, when I moved to DC, I thought I'd get some nice little companions by my window, so I purchased some orchids at Whole Foods. And that relationship lasted about two healthy weeks as the poor thing was neglected most of the time, left all alone.

So there's a bit of context for my over-appreciation of this healthy succulent who managed to survive for the past three months in my apartment. My tiny, dusty apartment that's strategically placed in a corner where no rays of direct sunlight ever hits. But to my credit, I did some research and asked around to make sure I provided a good enough environment for my succulent to not die. I told it: look, you don't have to enjoy your life here, just stay alive so I won't have to spend another $6.99 at Trader Joe's on what's not a bottle of wine. (yes, TJ's 6-7 dollar bottles of wine are not that bad and that's honestly all I can afford at this point)

But in all seriousness, I love my succulent. I've gotten attached to my little green pet over the past few months as I scrambled daily to adjust to my new life in a new city. I look at it every morning as I open my blinders so it can bathe in some kind of natural light while I'm at work. And every time I see it, I'm sort of bewildered and excited that it's still showing me a healthy and strong green, that it's so plump and beautiful. It's a sign of life and existence that I get to see every single morning -- and as corny and dumb as it sounds, it gives me a sense of hope and encouragement.
I know, it might seem like I'm making a big deal over a succulent for crying out loud, but this is important to me. Ever since I've been here since July, I've been learning a personal lesson on the importance of being alive. What does that even mean? It's something really simple. It was something that I never thought about and took for granted all my life. Yes - it's important to go to work everyday. Yes, it's nice to have adult responsibilities so we can finally say we're feeding ourselves independently. Yes, it's nice to accomplish some work you're proud of. Yes, it's nice to have a title and gain some sort of entitlement through being a part of an organization. But what is all that ultimately for, if we don't feel alive?

What makes us human is not complicated at all. It's rather in the small, simple things. Look, I have my dreams and goals and aspirations, but I wouldn't say they're far more superior than the little things I enjoy in life -- like that smell of coffee in the morning or the genuine laughter you share with someone who understands you or receiving small but incredibly heartwarming gestures or even seeing a succulent thrive all strong and healthy when you feel so miserably weak. At least that's how I appreciate life anyway. I get that we all have different ways of dealing with everything, but this is just my way.

So all that to say: succulent, thanks for being strong for both of us.

Weekend Recap: Lake House + Bike Rides

What a weekend! It started out with a breakfast-themed party at my apartment, thanks to my roommate who generously cooked literally everything - from mushroom and leek galette with gorgonzola to breakfast tacos to tater tots to frittata. Then she surprised us at the end by presenting a huge (and very delicious) monkey bread that we devoured within 20 minutes. (please excuse the iPhone photos)

Then I got up pretty early for a Saturday (8:30...yup) because I was so excited to finally bike around, since weekends are the only time I can actually do anything outdoorsy. So I decided to ride it all the way to M.E. Swing Coffee Co in Del Ray, near Old Town Alexandria. The ride was smooth and breezy, but one thing I should've thought of beforehand: those damn hills. But anyway, the espresso shot was definitely worth the ride.

then, the afternoon was spent at a beautiful lake house for a company-wide picnic. I sort of learned how to eat a crab...sort of.

Sunday bike-riding along the Potomac, then around the monument to the memorials to museums - and I finally met the light tunnel!

I am absolutely loving the crispiness of autumn here. Can't wait for the leaves to change colors soon!

Happy Hump Day!

Flat Track Coffee, Austin TX -- iPhone 4s

I woke up to a completely gray weather this morning. It was so gloomy that it felt like we were in a giant white box . After realizing I had woken up half an hour too late to go on a morning run, I tossed around until I had to force myself out of bed. Another Wednesday, the groggy middle child of the week. I have nothing against Wednesdays, actually. But what I did really appreciate about this morning was the gloomy, cloudy, drizzly weather. Yes, even with the 80% humidity. I’m not gonna lie, I felt myself breathing more and more heavily as I made my usual morning walk to work, but for some reason -- I adore this kind of weather. Maybe it’s the Vancouver-bred childhood that immunized my moods from this otherwise depressing gloom. For me, it brings me a healthy dose of nostalgia as I smell the earth and leaves and wet grass. 

and here is some weather-appropriate music for the day:

Sister's Birthday Celebration in Austin

My parents and I got to celebrate my sister's birthday in Austin this year. So I led them to Foreign & Domestic for dinner - a teeny-tiny trendy gourmet restaurant sitting deep in Hyde Park with a pleasantly open kitchen and hip staff. Food was pretty expensive - but everything was very savory and unique. Was definitely worth a try. We ordered the glazed shortrib, roasted acorn squash curry, and stew of scallops, mussels and clams. Yum.

Then Sprinkles Cupcakes for the birthday girl!

The first three photos from the F4 with Fuji 200...colors are always super funky with that one. Last one with the FM10 & Portra...probably my favorite combo so far.

Some Lifestyle Shoot of My Bedroom

Happy Friday! For a freelance photographer like myself, I don't really have weekends - meaning every day's kind of like a weekend to me. But make no mistake, I don't just sit around doing nothing. I've been trying to study, learn to edit better, read more, and all that jazz.

So S generously left me his 50mm f/1.4 lens before he left for Seattle. I tried to take advantage of that amazing depth of field the lens gives me...especially in the low light situation in my bedroom.

This is Greg, my best dinosaur friend! S handmade him for me last Christmas when I took a trip to Vancouver to visit my childhood friend.